Thoughts from Mark "Hat" Rackley

I’m Lieutenant Deviled Yeggs.  I work homicide in the big city of Tracy.  Working for me are my old partners: Detective Sgt. Jim Wednesday and Detective Poached Yeggs, my nephew who is slowly becoming a good detective.  But then again, I have all the detectives in the big city of Tracy reporting to me.  Even so, I HELP them when they need help, but I WORK homicide.

Okay, it has been a hectic week.  Maeve, my father’s young wife, had triplets.  All three girls and the mother are fine, but Maeve and Dad were using an apartment attached to her counseling office at the mission.  It was barely big enough for them and the twins.  Jayne and Ozzie are now three years old.  And they were in pre-school at Lily the Pink this past year.  They will have another year of pre-school before advancing to kindergarten.  But the mission had not expected three new babies.

Oh, I am a guy and we are horrible with birth announcements.  Mother and children are just fine.  The children’s names are Faith, Hope, and Charity.  What else would you name female triplets?

Another problem arose.  With Maeve at the hospital for a couple of days, the homeless people that she counsels have two reasons to be upset.  One, where was Maeve?  You may be a substitute and a pastor, but we need Maeve!  And two, the real reason they were huffy was they wanted to play with the babies, and they were still at the hospital.  The local pastors were pulling their hair out since the counseling office had a steady stream of “complaints.”

Dad thought returning to the grind while she should be on maternity leave would be hard on Maeve.  Dot Com, Dorothy Cahn, who ran the mission, was going to send one couple to Lily the Pink temporarily.  They would renovate that freed apartment to become the new counseling office in the building across the alley.  Dad could stay in their apartment to help with the renovations.  And Maeve would move in with us.  It would force Maeve into taking some time off.

In the meantime, Naomi was rushed to the hospital just as Maeve was getting ready to leave.  Naomi and baby are great.  Lydia Abigail Deborah Yeggs is in perfect health, ten fingers, ten toes, all the stuff that she needs.  Blaise and I just got our goose cooked.  Easter had moved to Lily the Pink.  Blaise and I are outnumbered by four to two.  Blaise is in college, but he is going to commute from home but using the pink bus.  Blaise is still not old enough to have a driver’s license.  This thing about skipping grades in school has its drawbacks.  Sophia is a senior at Flintheart high school.  And then Gigi and “Lady” were the young ones, our second family.

But temporarily the men in the house were going to be outnumbered nine to three, our six and Maeve with her twins and triplets.

We had a big house, but we had just run out of room, in a hurry, once they arrived.

I was pulling out sleeping bags for Blaise and Sophia when Naomi came into the room with Lady.  Yes, we were probably going to call her Lydia, but with her kind of named after my sister-in-law, Pink Lady Apple Yeggs, Lady might stick.  But we kind of like Abigail too.

Naomi said, “Daddy, Lydia wants to watch you while you work.  And remember, no murder cases.  You and I are both on required leaves of absence.  I guess we are turning Gigi and Lydia’s room into a huge nursery.  Maeve will go to Sophia’s room, and the twins will go to Blaise’s room.  Seeing you carrying two sleeping bags, I am thinking that Blaise and Sophia will have to create a no man’s land by separating the sectional.”

I nodded, “That is the plan.  The days of Blaise and Sophia wanting the other one dead are in the past.  But a little privacy wall between portions of the sectional might work.  You do realize with four newborns and three three-year-old kids in one house, we might not get much sleep.”

The front door opened abruptly.  It was Gisele and Lilith.  Gisele asked in a whisper, “Where are the babies?”

Naomi said, “Not here yet, except for Lydia.”

Lilith, whose pregnancy was just starting to show, swooped Lydia into her arms, “Oh, you are such a sweet lady.”

I looked at Naomi.  She said, “I am afraid of that too.  But Gigi knows that her real name is Gloria Grace.  Just ask her and she will say that Gigi is just her ‘nissels.’”

I moaned, “Glyce, my Sweet, you are a therapist in many fields.  Speech therapy is just one of them.  Should you not be teaching her that the word is ‘initials’?”

Naomi laughed, “Yes, dear, but like she says, she’s cute and she’s working it.”

At that moment, Thou, my Dad who I once called the “Old Man” came through the door and he had a twin stroller.  Maeve followed with another stroller.  And then Jayne and Ozzie came in, looking for Gigi.

I asked, “Don’t they make triplet strollers?”

Thou said, “Sure, we went to the store to check them out.  The side-by-side-by-side won’t fit through the door.  We talked to folks and the tandem, inline stroller, gets complicated putting the children in and taking them out.  We saw this stroller frame that fits the individual car seats.  You just snap them into the frame back to front.  Then they have these awnings that you snap to the frame to keep the sun off them.  We have one on order.  Two different strollers would work since Maeve and I are rarely apart.  That’s a great thing about working together.  I owe Naomi my life, my wife, my family.  If it weren’t for her forcing me to work for the mission, I would have never met Jesus and never met Maeve.”

I grumbled, “And you repay your gratitude by bringing your family for an extended visit when we already have our house full.”

Thou laughed, “What’s family for?”

As we were talking, Easy drove up in a pink sedan.  He hopped out and unbuckled Stormie from the backseat.  Easy said, “Dad, can we stay a few days?”

Thou and I were both startled.  I asked, “You and Jemima have the perfect marriage, or so we thought.  Did she kick you out?”

Easy grinned, “No, Dad, we were going to announce it soon, but she is expecting.  She hardly had any morning sickness with Stormie, but she’s throwing up like crazy.  And she is going to visit the County Line Farm.  As promised, she is taking timelapse cloud photos, sunsets, sunrises, at the Stinker Observatory atop Mount Baldy, the hill behind the Grand Oma’s house.  With that, she is teaching the children of the Four Omas community about the weather.  The Amish do not like having their pictures taken, but watching videos of clouds forming and Jemi’s photos of clouds to teach them how to expect bad weather seems to be okay.  She’ll stay in the sick rooms in Barry and Bonnie’s house.  Aunt Pink suggested that Stormie and I come here and she will renovate our apartment.  I think she wants to add an extra bedroom or something.”

I sighed, “Maeve and crew are visiting.  The only one going back to the mission his Grandad.  The house is already overloaded.”

Note: Thou is my father, Thousand Year Old Yeggs.  Thus, Old Man comes from Old being part of his name.  My children call him Grandad.  Thou’s father is Millennium Yeggs, called GrandPa by just about everyone.  But he is legitimately my grandfather.

Stormie came up and hugged me around one leg.  “Gramps, I love you!”

And just when I thought the cul-de-sac was filled with vehicles and we could hold no more, Captain Hart pulled up with his RV.  He and Stephen, Lilith’s husband, got out.

I yelled, “The inn is full.  We have no stable.  And don’t park there.  You are blocking the neighbors’ driveways.  I’ll have to call the cops.”

Al replied, in his well-practiced grumpy manner, “I came to rescue you, you ungrateful dirt bag!  I heard that Pink was being invited over here, and that Easy was staying for a while.  I thought we could disappear for a long weekend.  Gisele, Lilith, and Stephen will stay here.  Pink will visit so that the Purple Four can practice some new music that Stephen and Lilith wrote.  And Maeve will have help with the children.  When Pink heard the plan, she got the bright idea of us taking her three little ones along.”

At that moment, Kanok, Joon, and Pink Sparkle ran around from the other side of the RV.

Kanok ran up and bowed, “Sawasdee Kah.”  We all bowed and returned her greeting.

I asked, “Joon, do you not have a greeting?”

Joon laughed, “What she said!”

Al added, “And Blaise is staying in the Hortense apartment.  Mary will supervise to make sure Margie goes home every night.”

I sighed, “This weekend trip only delays the inevitable overload.”

Al growled, “Why are you complaining?  You have paternity leave, but today and Monday are going to be vacation days for me.  And we might not have a job when we get back.  With you and me gone, that puts your old buddy Jim Wednesday in charge of the whole precinct.  Heaven help Tracy with both of us gone.”

I asked, “Why aren’t Gwen’s kids coming?”

Al shrugged, “I heard that they wanted some quality time with GrandPa.  He does not have a lot of that left.  Sounds morbid, but I think they are going to practice cracking safes or something.  And this is just a weekend trip.  The ladies sing some music.  The mothers get into a rhythm with their children.  And we take some of the noise makers away from them for the weekend.  I do not think that violates your paternity leave.  Since I am aiding and abetting, I will have you covered with the insurance company.”

So, Easter and I drove the vehicles.  We swapped on occasion so that Easter could have experience with driving the RV.  Easter has a commercial driver’s license, but he mostly drives the Turtle, which is a highly modified SUV.  Our SUV carried the driver, Sophie, and five children in car seats, Pink’s three, Stormie, and Gigi.  Then Al and the other driver and Maeve’s twins were in the RV.

Now, for the events in current time – after Gigi’s discovery along the trail in Rocky Mountain National Park

I said, “And Ranger Stone, that is how this odd group of people got together to go camping here.”

Ranger Stone smiled, “Thanks, Lt. Yeggs and Cpt. Hart.  I finally have everything straight.  I think I am hearing a helicopter approaching.  That would be the special agent from ISB (Investigation Services Branch).”

A classy looking woman with a backpack and a briefcase got out of the helicopter.  She did the standard crouched run away from the chopper wash, and then she spotted Ranger Stone.  She walked toward us.

Ranger Stone said, “Hi, Roxy, I hoped you would be the agent they sent.”

Roxy extended a hand to Al.  “Roxanne “Roxy” Hoover.  Special Agent, Investigation Services Branch.  With the budget cutbacks, they have us set up in Grand Junction, CO.  We cover investigative services for national parks and monuments in Colorado and Utah.  Let’s wait a few seconds.”

The engine whine cranked up to ear splitting levels and the helicopter took off.

Roxy showed her badge, “I need to see the first person who saw the body.”

I groaned.  Ranger Stone said, “But…”  Roxy raised a hand, “I have my way of doing things.  Who found the body?”

Gigi ran up, “I did!”

Roxy asked, “And what is your name, and how old are you?”

Gigi said eagerly, “Gigi Yeggs, and I am three years old!”  Gigi began to dance around.

Sophie said, “Gigi, don’t use nicknames.  This is the park police detective.”

Roxy sighed, “No coaching from others, please.  And, Gigi, if that is your name, can you quit dancing.  This is important.”

Gigi said, “Gigi is my ‘nissels.’  My real name is Gloria Grace Yeggs.”

Roxy huffed, “And can you stop dancing?”

Gigi said, “Nope.  Daddy can explain.”

Roxy sighed, “Okay, who is Daddy?”  I raised my hand, but she was looking at Easter.  Easter pointed to me.

I said, “Gloria Grace is a lot like her mother.  She gets extremely physically demonstrative when she gets stressed out.  The only way to get her calmed down is for me to give her a bear hug.  Her big sister is a more reliable witness, trained in such things.”

Roxy said, “I will get to her next. I will allow the bear hug, but do not coach her with answers.  It will not go well for you.”  I smiled.  I sat at the picnic table and hugged Gigi.

Roxy asked, “What were you doing?  How did you see the body when no one else did?”

Gigi looked at me, “Do I have to answer?”  I nodded.  “I don’t want to say.  I was off the trail, and they say to stay on the trail.  Everything is so different here.  I saw a little animal running around and I went off the trail.  Please, don’t arrest me.  I get excited, and I make mistakes.  I’m sorry.”

Roxy said, “Did the little animal run by the body?”

Gigi nodded, “Yes, ma’am.  The animal was tiny and its tail stuck straight up.  And it didn’t go to the man, but it was close.”

Roxy asked, “So, what made you think that the man was dead?  Did you touch him?”

Gigi shook her head.  “No, he didn’t move.  I told the man that he would get in trouble because he wasn’t on the trail.  He never moved.  So, I yelled for Soapy.  She touched the man.”

Roxy groaned, “I hope Soapy is a nickname.”

Sophie came up and sat next to me on the picnic bench. “Sophia Yeggs, seventeen, high school senior, I am the big sister of Gloria Grace.  She called me.  I could see her, but I could not see what she was pointing to.  I told Easter to watch the other children since …  can I say Gigi?”  Roxy nodded.  “Gigi would not come toward me.  I went to her.  The body was not bloated, no smell.  The skin was cold, wet, slick, and a little tacky.  It was colder than the air temperature.  When the medical examiner got here, the internal organs were frozen.”

Roxy huffed, “Stick to what you observed.  Abnormally cold, colder than surrounding rocks and plants.  Right?”

Sophie nodded, “Colder than anything else except my thermos of ice water.  Close to freezing temperature, but the surface skin was thawed.  The body was dressed in shorts and a long sleeved shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, the head lower than the feet, but the slope of the mountain was not steep at that point.  No obvious wounds, but blood in the hair.  The body was on his back.  And the body had been moved.”

Roxy growled, “Do not draw conclusions that you cannot substantiate.  Just give me the facts.”

Sophie said, “I took the introduction to police procedures course this summer.  I have been to autopsies.  This is not the first body that I have discovered.  I hear you whining, Gigi, but I was second on the scene, trained in such observations.  I have solved several murders already.”

Roxy asked, “You are not out of high school.  How is that possible?”

Sophie pointed to me. “Daddy is Lt. Deviled Yeggs.  Before he was promoted to Lieutenant in charge of all detective ranks, he was lead homicide in the big city of Tracy, best closure rate of homicides in the country for a city the size of Tracy or larger.  And for the past three summers, I have spent my summer break working cold cases.  I have experience in such observations.  Okay, I will let you conclude that the body was moved after I give my detailed observations.  I observed that lividity, the pooling of blood after the heart stops pumping, was in the toes, feet, and shins.  That would suggest that the man died and stayed in a position with his feet lower than his head and face down for a few hours.  Besides, it was cold last night, but the low last night was roughly 40, above freezing.  Lividity opposite the positioning of the body and no means at hand to freeze the body.  What do you think, Special Agent Hoover?  And are you related to Herbert or J. Edgar?”

I chided, “Sophia Yeggs, be polite.  We already went through the introductions with Ranger Stone.  You know how interrogations work.  They repeat a lot of territory.  Stay calm and be polite.”

Sophie huffed, “Yes, Daddy.”

Roxy asked, “What is this Daddy business?  I quit calling my father Daddy in middle school.”

Sophie smiled, “I see Daddy cringe each time I say Daddy.  He wonders if it will be the last.”

Roxy nodded, “Okay, one big happy family, and you are following in Daddy’s footsteps, but you have an impish streak.”

Al laughed, “Yeah, her goal was to be her Daddy’s boss someday, but that was before dear old Daddy made lieutenant.”

Roxy asked, “And who are you, Granddaddy?”

Al laughed, “No, I’m his captain and the owner of the RV.  I have offered to retire so that Sophia can become her Daddy’s boss, but the Commissioner might nix that idea.  But Sophia is that good.  I set up this weekend to get the three-year-olds out of a house with a woman and three babies.”

Sophie laughed, “My step grandmother had triplets, and she came to visit while the mission renovates an apartment.  She’s the counselor and shoulder to cry on at the homeless shelter in Tracy.  Granddad and Maeve already had twins.  Now triplets.  And before she left the hospital, my Mom had another girl, Lydia.  So, the two mothers with newborns have filled the house along with the Captain’s wife and expecting daughter and her husband.  The Captain’s two significant ladies, Mom and Pink Lady make up the Purple Four.  But all they have done so far is sing at weddings in Tracy.  They are cutting an album soon.”

Ranger Stone said, “I sent you texts.  You need a road map to figure out who these witnesses are and who they are related to.”

Roxy sighed, “I ignored all that.  You know how I operate.  I cover all that ground a second time and then look at your notes.  No, wait.  Deviled Yeggs.  Easter Yeggs.  I am going to have to see some ID.  I am not taking your word for those names.  And you said three-year-olds.  Are there more than this one?”

Al asked Easter to get the others out of the RV.  Easter brought them all out of the RV.  Easter was holding Stormie.  Jayne, Ozzie, Kanok, Joon, and Sparkle all ran up and they all gave the Thai greeting.  Sophia told Roxy to do what Kanok did in return.

Roxy said, “Okay, who are the only ones to see the man lying on the rocks?”

I said, “Just Gigi and Sophie.”

Roxy nodded, “And with seeing the photos, what does an experienced homicide detective think?”

I shrugged, “Just guessing.  No idea who the victim is, but I am thinking the body was staged, far away from the trail to not be seen, but once it thawed, it would start smelling, and it would attract wild animals.  The FBI crew that took the body into Loveland said that there was a blow to the back of the head.  Sophie would have only seen the wound if she had rolled the body over.  So he was killed, frozen. And then dropped off, staged, to attract attention in a couple of days.  So, no ID, but they wanted the body found.”

Roxy nodded, “Unless one of the concessioners is the murderer, probably not killed at the park.  Now, if Sophia can walk with me to the spot where the body was found, I would appreciate it.  I might try to recruit her for the park service on the way.”

Sophie flashed her engagement ring, “I kind of have a reason to stay in Tracy.  He already has three paying jobs.  He’s the guest saxophonist for the jazz band at the Snazzy Taz Jazz Club in Tracy, the music director at our church, and a gardener inside the Crystal Mountain.”

Roxy asked, “What’s a Crystal mountain?”

Sophie laughed, “My cousin by marriage, Zuzka, designed a greenhouse that connected the various buildings that make up Lily the Pink Enterprises.  Then, she installed water sluices and pipes for hydroponic gardening.  Then the supports for the glass roof are really water towers, made to look like banyan trees.  We even have exotic African plants growing at the top.  There is a waterfall, and two water slides.  And we play water polo in an Olympic sized swimming pool.  If you ever get to the big city of Tracy, tell the guard that greets you that you met us here and she’ll give you a tour, or someone will.  The place is so exotic and beautiful, it has become a local wedding destination.”

Roxy sighed, “If I can ever get a day off.  I guess your Dad is a bloodhound to have such a good closure rate.  I’m like that.  I bite down on the clues, and I chew until the case is solved.  Oh, and your snarky question from earlier…  I have no idea whether I am related to either of the Hoover gentlemen that you mentioned.  And I am not a vacuum cleaner heiress either.  And hang onto that man of yours.  Handsome, talented, and he’s got a job.  That’s a great combination.”

After they looked at the scene, Roxy said, “I think your Daddy is right, but I have to make a thorough report.  If we did not have concessioners in the park with walk-in freezers, I would be convinced your father has the right idea.  The place where the body was laid would only get morning sun before it got hot.  I don’t know if they knew anything about lividity.  That may have been a mistake, but without being frozen, this spot is too far from the rock face to be a hiker that fell.  Even then, there would be more broken than the skull.”

The FBI office in Loveland, CO called Roxy.  They got an ID on the man.  He had a record and he was from Doyle County.  That brought an entire different set of questions.  Mainly, who knew that Al Hart and Deviled Yeggs were going on an outing in Rocky Mountain National Park?  And Detective Holmes from Doyle County would be angry that he inherited a case that started with a body found by one of the Yeggs.  Detective Holmes was smart, but he wanted the entire case.  He hated playing as part of a team.  Hopefully, he will solve the case without any further connection to the big city of Tracy.

Roxy and Sophia traded contact information.  Roxy was no longer recruiting for the ISB of the park service.  She had become impressed by Sophie’s knowledge, skills and attitude.  She wanted to keep up with Sophie as she worked her way into the Tracy detectives.

But the last person that Roxy talked to was Gigi.  She said, “Gigi, do you remember that tiny animal that you saw with its tail sticking up in the air?  Did it looked like this?”  Gigi nodded and smiled.  Roxy said, “That was a chipmunk.  There are a lot of them around here.  Now if the animal was a little on the chubby side and did not have a tail, then that is a pika.  And pikas are not rodents.  They are related to rabbits instead.  Please, Gigi, stay on the trail.  That way we can preserve the park so the chipmunks and pikas will be here the next time you come.”

Gigi looked up at me, “Daddy, when are we going home?”

I shrugged, “As soon as you can get into the SUV and get buckled up.”

Gigi smiled, “Good, I want to go home and play with my sister.”

I sighed, “No playing with Lydia, yet.  But you can hold her if you sit still.”

Gigi laughed, “I think Ladya misses me.”

And there it was.  Pink Lady had Kanokized language to deal with, and Gigi just gave us a nickname that might stick.

With that, we piled into the RV and SUV and returned home.

The weekend had done wonders for Maeve and my wife, Naomi.  The Purple Four had sung a couple of lullabies that Stephen and Lilith had written.

And Lilith had announced that she and Stephen were going to start their own recording studio in Tracy.  They signed Emmett, Menzie, and the Purple Four, but those were easy, being unknown outside the Tracy area.  But they were also working with Gospel music legends who had gone to Liberty University.  They would still have two homes, one in Nashville and one in Tracy.  They could make connections in Nashville while introducing their compositions to other artists.  And they could sing and play backup for other artists.  Then, they would run their own studio in Tracy.  They would also be on the road, singing in churches and small venues.

Roxy called Sophia a couple of days later.  Detective Holmes used his informants and had a few interviews with people who had worked with the murdered man.  He had moved to Denver, and as usual, made friends with the wrong people.  If they ever solved his murder, it would be a Denver case.  Roxy had already made a joint statement with the FBI that the only connection to the park service was that of a body drop.  The FBI would be cooperating with Denver police.

I claim that there is no such thing as a coincidence.  In a way, I got to use my little grey cells while on paternity leave.  Naomi did not mind the diversion, and my brain needed exercise.

Credits

I never saw the movie, Three Men and a Baby.  But being visited by a woman with triplets made the title sound right.

I researched the use of ISB (Investigative Services Branch) agents for murder cases, and the local FBI could be used for assistance, but the idea of creating regional offices with a pool of agents was pure fiction.  All the websites gave no hint whether there was an ISB agent for each park or for a region covering several parks.  So, I dreamed up the arrangement.  It gave me a gap in time where the ranger did the initial interviews, and the body was taken to a morgue before the special agent arrived.

As I have mentioned before, I think that the British and American television and movie producers have used Poirot talking of little grey cells more often than Agatha Christie used the phrase in her novels and short stories.  But I like the expression too.